After — A Month Of Showering My Mother With Love ... [2021]

In families with histories of emotional neglect or enmeshment, a sudden month of love may feel destabilizing. The kindest outcome is not more love, but steady love—the kind that doesn’t need a calendar.

I thought that if I poured enough of myself into her, I could somehow fill the cracks left by time and loneliness. I wanted to be the sun that coaxed her back into bloom. But as I stood by the door, keys in hand, I realized that love isn't always a repair kit. Sometimes, it’s just a witness. After a month of showering my mother with love ...

After 30 days, the narrative demands a consequence. The most psychologically rich outcomes are: In families with histories of emotional neglect or

My mother is not the hugging type. She is the “Did you eat?” type. She is the type who expresses love through folded laundry and the quiet act of leaving the last piece of chicken on the platter for you. We had a relationship that was efficient. We spoke twice a week. The conversations were predictable scripts: weather, work, the dog, a vague “I love you” muttered quickly before hanging up so neither of us had to sit with the vulnerability. I wanted to be the sun that coaxed her back into bloom

Before, that space was a no-man’s-land of unsaid things. Now, it’s a garden. A messy one. There are weeds. But there are also flowers. And I finally learned how to water them.